How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
