i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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