Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
