evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Randomize
