wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
