I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
