She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
