Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
