I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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