dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
