Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
