I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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