You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I would fuck him just for his dog
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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