omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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