The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
