So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
