I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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