Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
