I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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