So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
