I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
