I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
