in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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