Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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