omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
