why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Quick, to the slutcave!
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I got inside last night via doggy door
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
