I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
