Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
