she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
