I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You are a genius and a whore.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
