it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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