I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
