Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
