batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
