Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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