What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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