standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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