So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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