yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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