umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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