What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
