my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Randomize
