Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
