Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
