OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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