Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
