I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
