His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
The Olympian is in my bed
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
