This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
