i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
